others

the best gifts are given freely, free of forethought and free of demands.

what is worth fight for? and what's better left behind?
how much is too much and where do we draw the line?

i'm not to pulled or pushed, nor pinned or bullied or guilt tripped! i'm 23, old enough to say fuck off, yet young enough to still want help. smart enough to know that enough is enough, but still naive enough to wonder.

game over!

i'll call the shots, i'll caste my vote for myself for this is my island, and i'm in control here. "I'M ME" as my carved leg says. for there was once a time that my own flesh and blood had to spell it out for me.

i have shit i need to say, things i need to get off my chest ...maybe my back as it's the part that hurts with stress. things left unsaid that still hurts, need to be dealt with! on all sides.


let me know what you think. i can't talk to you sober, i've got too many walls and bite my tongue when it hurts me. lies and half truths fuck with my head, so stop it.
nows the time to put it on the table. this summer is the end of schooling for me. i'm more than done with these games and lack of (in my opinion) good reasons why i should play. the end of the summer i'm looking for a new life. you wana stay in mine, start talking. put your shit on the table, lets get the over with so that by the end of summer i know who to give my new number to. are you in or out? you have a bit of time, but not too much. we have a lot of past that has to get dealt with before season changes to new beginnings.

peace

family is love, they are those few who stand for you even when we forget to stand for ourselves. family is not about color, blood, or jeans (it's never ending pockets). Family is not really a choice, you find your family as they find you.

we come into this world, into arms we don't quite know and no matter how long our lives are we find our family as they find us. small or large, many or few, families are strongest. we know each other through love.

i'd like to thank my family for being with me. you hold me up when i feel weak, you remind me i am strong. when i fail and falter you gently guide me back to my path. always you let me choose for my self.
always love and trust.

may we share in another year.

My True Family!

I watched "Avatar" tonight. in case you cared I thought it was alright. the CGI was pretty good as far as it goes atm. it's still too fake, still anime, it's an art and was used as such for this film and for that I say well done. the story reminded me a lot of “Fern Gully”.
I liked the interconnectedness of the world, it’s people and plants and animals; all one. Will Earth save it’s self, can it? Us humans being so small a people. Well we’re not much more than ants are we? How can we tell what Earth will do or how the universe sees us humans.


I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. Like no one could understand. Like I’m back in HS and I’m the only one with no clue what to do and feel alone, lol. I’d really love me some good death and rebirth. Into the dreams. My world I’m too inept to explain. Ether I’m too stupid to explain myself or you all are too stupid to understand. Looking at that scale, I’d say it’s me. But I’m not trying to call your shots.
You see I’d rather freeze to death out side where I feel something real than inside these boxes that seem blood stained to me. I’m caught red handed and I can’t come clean, but I can find the life and let it bring a measure of peace.
We humans are not often a people, and even less so one people. Too much taint. Too much blood on our hands, we slip through each others grip and think the other is slick. And then the blood flows again. Only in trust can we grow, only in faith can we grow.

It is not the religions it’s the people!

I cry more and more, I see blood on my hands daily now. I feel sick. I …
To die. My own blood on my own hands… relaxing stress, free death…peace through pain?
You see, I have a hard time explaining, you will forgive me wont you?

I cry cause I know you. I’ve known you well and deep and I know your dying. Your people die daily, nothing new, no big deal. Just a little death. Then why do I feel so? Your not my responsibility! I deny this! I call these thoughts and feelings lies, bad dreams, sad, depression, I’ll pop a pill and fix this right up!
I’m outa drink. I’m alone and I don’t know how to stop the tears anymore. my sheets are wet with your death. My fears aren’t my own. My heart breaks when yours stops.
Every yellow ribbon I see, every support sticker, cuts at my heart. Tears my into three. I’ll stay a child of America and know nothing and be blissful. I’ll stand up and fight the system and make this war stop! I feel helpless and prayer-less, ‘may someone live through this.’

Never mind, I can’t explain and you don’t understand nor do I really think you care.